A very sad day

August 28th was a very sad day for our family. Allen’s mom passed away. It’s been hard, even though we’ve know this day was coming for a while. A year and half ago she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I hate cancer. She was given 6 months. The Lord gave us a year more. In May she woke up in terrible pain, and went to the hospital. There she learned that things had progressed into other parts of her body. She choose to come home.

For her birthday she gathered her babies around her and tried to sooth their worries. This was the beginning of the end, not the end of the end. The doctors said she had about 2-3 months. I hate it when doctors are right.

She made it through July. I was thankful. She lived to see the newest family member born. She was even well enough to go see him.

We went to see her often after we got home. She was doing pretty good the first week, not as good the second week, and was gone the third week.

We got a call from the family on August 27. They were going to gather around their mother and give her a blessing the next evening.  The following morning I ran out to get some cinnamon. When I got back, Allen told me we needed to go now. We gather our little ones and went. She was gone before we got there. She had passed quietly in her sweetheart’s arms. Instead of giving her a blessing we had a family prayer, and gave Richard (Allen’s dad) a blessing.  The rest of the day was a blur. There was planning to do, and things to talk about.

At one point I took Riley aside and asked him if he was ok. He told me he was sad. I tried to explain to him that Grandma is not gone. She’s with Heavenly Father now. She’s happy. I told him that she had been hurting and was so sick that our kind Heavenly Father and sent her son, Mark to her to bring her home. She had done well and she had suffered enough. I also told Riley that Grandma would always be watching over him. I reminded him that she had promised him that she would always be there for him and be there for his birthdays.

We’ve talk about it a few more times. He says he’s sad sometimes because his grandma is died. I tell him that’s it ok to be sad, because we miss her tons. I also told him that when he’s feeling really sad or just missing his grandma that he can be still, close his eyes and he will feel his grandma giving him a hug. She loved to give hugs, especially towards the end.

It’s been really surreal since then. Hence the lack of posts. I miss her so much! She was such a support for me over the last 3 years. She knew what I was going through, how I felt with Allen in law school. She had been there too. She was always willing to watch the kids for me, even when it wasn’t convent for her. I feel sad that my girls wont remember her. It reminds me that life is short, so short. We need to live each day.

Joan, thank you for loving me. For supporting my family. We would not have made it through the last three years without you. Thank you for raising such an amazing group of kids. For the amazing sons you raised. For the kindness you showed me. For making me feel like one of your daughters. I miss you so much, and I am gratefully for the testimony you gave each of us about the life to come. I am so grateful for the temple and the promise of eternity. I am so blessed to have know you in this life, and I am thankful that I was sealed into your family for time and eternity. I know that this life isn’t the end of the end, it the beginning of eternity!

May God be with you until we meet again.